Letting Her Go
by Ghost Rider of the Aragon
Summary: Loki couldn't handle the thought of letting Odin take another of his children from him. Perhaps if he could find a place for this child on Midgard, she would be safe. AU, fem!Loki (only in the first chapter) Not a romance!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I couldn't help it...**

* * *

A lone figure walked the empty streets of Arendelle. There was no light, save for the faint glow of lamps through the windows. The woman pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders as the icy breeze intensified. The child within her stirred, and she bit back a cry. She knew that she had time before she really needed someone's help, but she didn't want to be alone. She knocked on the palace gate, pounding harder than most would consider polite. The elderly porter lifted the latch, holding up a lantern to see who might possibly be out at such an ungodly hour. There didn't appear to be anyone there.

"Who goes there?" he demanded quietly.

"Please, help me." A raspy whisper replied. The porter opened the gate a little wider.

When he saw the young woman slumped against the stone wall, he could hardly turn her away. She looked absolutely pathetic, raven hair plastered against her face, frozen to her pale cheeks with the driven snow and tears. The porter clucked his tongue in pity.

"Oh my. Come with me dear." He knelt next to her, and went to help her stand up, but she gave a start and tried to back away. "I'm not going to hurt you. You need not fear me. I'm here to help." The woman appeared to consider her options and allowed him to gently lift her in his arms. He brought her into the kitchens first, and allowed her to sit before the fire.

"Gerda, the cook, will take care of you, miss. I must inform the King and Queen of your presence." He paused waiting to see if she would react. Her wide green eyes held a certain amount of fear, but she nodded once.

"Very well." She said, her voice sounding a little stronger than before. Gerda bustled about the kitchen getting a bowl of soup for the guest. The young woman watched her like a hawk, almost as if she was afraid this was all some sort of illusion. Inwardly the cook shook her head, wondering what could've led to this woman to wind up on the streets.

"Where am I?" she finally asked. Gerda set out the simple meal on the table.

"Arendelle, dearie. Now, eat up. Wouldn't do to starve you or the little one." Gerda watched her guest eat, taking in every detail of the girl's appearance. She was tall, and if it weren't for her pregnancy, she would be slender and graceful. She was truly a beauty, with her waist-length black hair and eyes that looked like emerald sparks. "Where are you from?" The girl paused before setting the spoon back in her bowl.

"You probably would never believe me if I told you, ma'am."

"Try me, dearie."

"No. It's better you don't know."

"Very well."

"Can I at least know your name?" Gerda prodded. The girl stared at the bowl in front of her.

"You can call me Eirin."

"But that's not your real name, is it?"

"That is none of your concern." The girl replied sharply. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me. But please, you must understand, if you knew my name you would be in danger."

"I'm sorry for prying, dear." Eirin smiled up at her.

"That's all right." Gerda tidied up the kitchen a little more before making up a make-shift bed near the fireplace.

"You'll sleep here for the night. Tomorrow after you are introduced to the king and queen, we'll find you a better place to stay. I hope you don't mind." Eirin took in the sight of the rough bed and smiled.

"I've slept in worse places. Thank you for your kindness."

"You're welcome, dearie. Sleep well." Gerda bowed slightly and left. Eirin pushed the bowl back on the table and stared at the fire, absently massaging her stomach. The baby seemed to be at rest for the moment, for which she was grateful. But the cold was still there. The young mother shivered and crept closer to the fire, and lay down on the pile of blankets. Finally, she fell asleep to the sound of the wind howling at the windows.

* * *

_The looks on Thor's face when he found him…if only there was a way to show him how ridiculous he'd looked. Loki (or Eirin, as he preferred to call himself in this form) stood before him, almost 8 months along. The fact that the oaf had even recognized him was astonishing. Of course, they were brothers and there was always something that gave his disguises away. The cadence of his walk, a pattern of speech, even hand gestures seemed to give him away every time._

_ "What have you done, Loki?" Eirin's face twisted into the familiar smirk that Thor was used to seeing on an entirely different person._

_ "I believe the question is 'who'… "_

_ "Loki…" Thor looked happy to see him…erm…her, but grieved at the same time. "Mother and Father have been worried…"_

_ "I bet they have. How inconvenient it must be, with Odin asking about me." Loki knew that Frigga was probably beside herself, fearing the worst had happened to her youngest son. But Odin? Odin didn't care. Odin would never care._

_ "I need to bring you back to Asgard." Eirin drew a sharp breath._

_ "I'm not going back. I can't." _

_ "But they will be able to help you there. The child…"_

_ "No, Thor. I'm not going to allow this child to be taken from me as well."_

_ "Father wouldn't do that."_

_ "What of Fenrir? Jormagandr? What of Hela? All three of them cast out of Asgard before they could even speak! I will not subject this child to the same treatment. I'm staying here until this child is born."_

_ "And after that? Who will care for the child? You would abandon it here on Midgard?"_

_ "The child is not an 'it', Thor. It's a girl. My daughter."_

_ "You know what father would call it."_

_ "My child is not an abomination! I will not abandon her, I will ensure that she is taken care of." Eirin spat, her hand coming to rest on the slightly obvious bump. "She will be loved, which is a gift I was never able to give to my other children. This time will be different." Uncomfortable silence reigned as Thor struggled to reconcile himself to the fact that his brother and the woman in front of him were the same person._

_ "My orders are to bring you back." Thor said finally, deciding to speak as though it were Loki before him._

_ "Orders can be disobeyed." _

_ "It's not that simple."_

_ "But isn't it? Tell them you never saw me. Tell them you couldn't find me. Tell them anything, but don't tell them about this child. Please." _

_ "Are you not afraid of being alone when the time comes?" Thor asked, remembering when Sleipnir was born. Eirin shook her head._

_ "I've always been alone. It has only ever made me stronger." She whispered. "Now go. Leave this place, before Heimdall sees." Thor nodded, before stepping forward and pulling the girl into his arms._

_ "Very well. I'm sorry for any stress I've caused." He murmured. Eirin smiled._

_ "I've been through worse, you oaf. I'll be all right." Thor chuckled slightly, releasing her from his arms. For a moment he rested his hand over where the child was. _

_ "It will be a long while before we meet again. I would give both you and the child my blessing, if you will take it." Eirin nodded, biting her lip._

_ "Thank you, brother."_

_ "Farewell."_

* * *

Eirin sat up in bed. The fire had died down to a bed of coals, and the wind seemed less fierce. She couldn't go back to sleep, though. She was afraid, but she wasn't sure why. Odin did not know who or where she was, and even if he did, she had Thor's protection. What if Thor had been right? What if leaving this child behind was exactly what she had been trying to avoid? She wouldn't be allowed to see her again if she left her here. The baby moved again, the feeling only making her guiltier. Eirin slowly stood up, and paced the kitchen floor. Uneasiness settled over her like a cloak. She could still go back to Asgard. There was still time. But Odin's wrath was not something she felt she could face at the moment. Or Frigga's disappointment. Norns, what would she say, if she could see her son right now? Eirin hung her head, and leaned on the table for support. Tears ran freely down her face.

"I want you to stay with me, but neither can I take you back to Asgard…" she sobbed. "I love you more than anything, child, and I want you to be happy. But you can't be happy if you're in chains. I don't want you to have to know fear, or pain, or sadness. I wish only the best for you. But I cannot give you that." She drew a deep breath. "Please forgive me."

* * *

The king glanced up when he heard the door open. The messenger boy bowed before him.

"What news of our guest, lad?"

"She gave birth this morning. A girl, small, but healthy."

"And the mother? How is she?"

"She's gone, sir." The king looked saddened.

"God rest her soul…poor thing." he said quietly. The boy shook his head.

"Not dead, my lord. Vanished."

"Impossible!"

"The servants are searching the town as we speak. So far they have found no sign of her."

"What has become of the child then?" The queen's voice cut through the silence, concern radiating from her eyes.

"Gerda and the women are trying to care for her, but she will not be comforted, Your Grace. The child wants her mother."

"Have them bring her to me. Please." The servant nodded, and left. The king turned to look at his queen.

"What are you thinking, my dear?"

"We have no children of our own, what's the harm of taking in a child whom no one else wants?"

"We know nothing of her family."

"We will be her family. She will be loved here." The king smiled sadly, thinking of the little one they had so recently lost.

"As you wish, my love."

Only a few minutes later, Gerda came into the throne room, followed by the messenger boy. She carried the child in her arms, trying to hush her cries, but nothing would quiet her. The queen stepped forward, and held her arms out.

"It's all right little one." She whispered as she rocked her gently. "I will be your mother now." The baby ceased her squalling, and opened her eyes. "That's it, sweetheart."

"What are you going to name her?" The king asked.

"Elsa. Her name will be Elsa."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! So, I didn't think I would actually continue this, but another idea struck me. To all who faved or followed, thank you so much! I hope you enjoy.** **Elsa is around 5 or 6 years old in this chapter.**

* * *

Elsa sat alone in her room. She didn't understand what was going on. She had thrown a minor tantrum when Gerda refused to let her lick the spoon used for frosting earlier, and when she stomped her foot, a small patch of ice had formed on the floor. One of the other maids had slipped and fallen, and the servants were beginning to ask questions. She heard her father close the door, and she wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear.

"Elsa, what happened?" he asked, sitting down across from her.

"I didn't mean to, Papa, it was an accident..."

"You know that you shouldn't use your powers...someone might get hurt..."

"I know..."

"We'll try to do better next time, though, won't we?"

"Yes Papa..."

"That's my good girl. Now let's go apologize to Gerda, and have a piece of that cake. What do you think?"

"Okay." Elsa gave her father a shy smile. She had thought she might get yelled at. The king pulled her into a hug, and kissed the top of her head before setting her atop his shoulders. She giggled as she ducked when they went out the door.

"Look at you...as tall as a giant..." The queen said, running into them out in the hall. Elsa grinned when she saw her mother and Anna.

"I can be a frost giant! Like in the stories!" The queen exchanged a look with her husband. She had suspected that there was more to Elsa's real mother than they first thought. She had tried discouraging the king from telling Elsa anything that might lead her to discover that she was not theirs.

"Mama, why doesn't Anna have powers?"

"I don't know, Darling. You have your talent, and she will have hers when she is old enough..."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, but we'll find out."

* * *

Later that night, Elsa lay in bed, unable to sleep. She went over to the window, and watched the auroras for a while before glancing down at the courtyard below. She gasped when she saw a tall shadowy figure slipping past the guards and into the palace. She had to do something. She went over to her toy chest, and pulled out a small wooden sword. No...that wouldn't do any good...She could just freeze the intruder, couldn't she? Yeah...that's what she would do. She quickly put on her slippers and ventured out into the dark hallway.

There was a loud clanking, causing Elsa to pause, trembling. The sound echoed through the halls again.

"Who...who goes there?" she asked, a ball of icy light gathering around her hands. The same shadowy figure stepped out of one of the halls his hands up defensively. Elsa gasped. What on earth was a strange man doing in the palace, uninvited? She glared.

"Who are you?" she asked, ready to unleash her ice on him. She stomped her foot, causing ice to cover the floor. The stranger noticed the ice, and got a strange look in his eye. He stomped his foot as well, and an even thicker layer appeared. He smiled a little.

"A friend, little one." he said quietly. "Think of me as a sort of guardian angel." Elsa raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think angels wear black leather and armor..."

"I'm not necessarily angelic, but I do want to keep you safe..." There was a light in his green eyes that was telling the truth. "I am Loki." Elsa smiled at the name.

"Like from the stories?" she asked, suddenly excited.

"Yes." He grinned. "The one and the same." Elsa squealed, clapping. She stopped short, hoping that she hadn't woken Anna, or worse, her parents.

"So is Thor really the one who sends the thunder?"

"Sometimes..."

"Does Odin really have two ravens?"

"Yes, and they are quite fun to try to talk to. They never tell me anything of import, though..."

"Is Sleipnir real?" There was an uncomfortable pause.

"Yes." Elsa jumped up and down, absolutely giddy.

"I knew it! I knew it! Can I send some carrots back for him?"

"If you want to, I will not stop you. They're like candy to him."

"Then I will." Loki glanced around.

"I heard that you have a gift, Elsa. And I saw a small example of it earlier. Would you like me to teach you more? I could show you how to control it." Elsa nodded solemnly.

"I don't want to hurt someone..."

"Then let's get started." He held out his hand.

"We'll be back before they wake up, right?"

"Of course." Loki said. He couldn't believe that this was the child he'd left behind. She was everything he had hoped she would be. He wanted to tell her everything then and there, but she was too young yet. She wouldn't understand.

Oh well. He could always come back again. There was plenty to teach her about her powers.

* * *

Elsa woke up the next morning safely tucked into her bed. Almost everything was a blur from the night before, but she remembered that Loki had been teaching her. She sat up, stretching, and noticed a small note on he bedside table. She read it, and grinned. She quickly got dressed and went downstairs to the dining hall. The king looked up when he saw her, and he didn't look pleased.

"Good morning Elsa." The girl paused in the doorway.

"Good morning Papa." she said, suddenly nervous. "Is something wrong?"

"Elsa, what were you doing last night?"

"Practicing..." There really was no point in lying.

"Elsa, the parlor was practically filled with ice furniture..."

"I was having fun."

"With whom? That can't all have been you..." Elsa looked scared. She didn't dare say anything about Loki. Her parents might think she'd gone crazy, then.

"It was me. I promise I won't do it again...I'm sorry Papa."


	3. Chapter 3

Elsa stared out the window listlessly. It had been a couple months since she had accidentally struck Anna with the ice. She shivered, horrified by what could've happened. She wiped a tear from her cheek before it could fall and crystallize on the sill. It was starting to get dark, and her parents wouldn't bother her. They probably thought she had gone to bed already. There was a knock on the door. Elsa sighed.

"Go away..." she said dismally.

"Elsa, would you turn me away?" Loki said, noticing her tears. Elsa gasped when she saw him.

"Loki!" she exclaimed softly, running to him before pausing and deciding against throwing her arms around his waist.

"What's wrong, little one?"

"Loki...I messed up. My powers...I...I...I can't practice with you anymore..." Loki looked worried.

"Tell me what happened?" He guided her back over to the window sill, and helped her back up into her place. Elsa nodded, and quickly recounted the tale. He felt his heart break. His little girl was hurting and scared, and he couldn't do anything about it. So things weren't any different here than on Asgard. Those who were different were always looked down upon, or treated like monsters. His perfect little girl was no monster. She was his snow angel.

"Now she doesn't remember...anything...I can't talk to her...not without her knowing..." Loki became somber. He felt much the same way, knowing what he was, and knowing how everyone else would react. He still hadn't told Thor about his Jotun heritage. As long as Odin and Frigga wanted to remain quiet on the subject, he wouldn't bring it up.

"Elsa, you can still play with your sister..."

"But I'm too scared...if something happened again...I can't." She clung to Loki, sobbing, knowing that she couldn't hurt him. He pulled her into his arms, gently stroking her hair.

"Shh...Everything's going to be okay. I promise things will get better someday." He whispered, feeling like he was choking on a sob. He hated seeing his daughter hurt like this. How dare the king and queen of this place make his daughter believe that she was a monster? She buried her face in his chest. "I promise."

"But I'm scared...I don't know how not to be...That's what makes the ice...because I'm afraid..." Loki nodded. He knew what it was to act on fear. It was exhausting.

"Remember I'm always here if you need to talk."

"Thank you, Loki. I love you." she said quietly.

"I love you too, little one." He said, watching her nod off in his lap. He carefully brought her over to the bed and tucked her in before departing. Inwardly he wondered if he should stop visiting. Encouraging Elsa's powers might make things worse. He sighed, and vanished into the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the wait! I've been busy at work. And I sincerely apologize for the chapter mix up. Everything should be fixed now...**

~o0o~

"Do you want to build a snowman?" The half-whispered words had barely left Anna's lips, and Loki appeared in Elsa's room. She glanced up to see him. Then without a word, she looked away. Loki sat down against the door with her taking her hand. Elsa made no move to pull away. She knew she couldn't hurt Loki, and it was nice to be comforted. It was better than sitting in the cold, dark room all alone.

The silence lasted for a few hours. Loki heard Anna stand up, and walk away.

"Elsa...I'm sorry..."

"No...you don't have to..." she sucked in a deep breath. Loki sensed that she was about to start crying again, and conjured a handkerchief before holding his arms out for her.

"I miss them so much, Loki..."

"I know, darling." He rubbed her back softly. "Have you spoken with Anna?" There was an uncomfortable pause.

"No..."

"Elsa, you can't push her away...not after something like this...She's grieving too."

"It's for her own good..."

"Elsa..."

"No, Loki."

"Please listen to me..."

"Just go." Loki looked hurt.

"Elsa, why are you doing this to yourself?"

"To keep anyone else from getting hurt. If you keep pushing people away, you're going to end up even more alone."

"JUST GO!" Elsa said, getting up. Loki stood up as well. He moved towards the window.

"This is what you want, then?" he asked, feeling like someone was tearing his heart out. "Because I will leave, and you'll never have to hear from me again..." Elsa stared at him wide-eyed.

"You're...you're not coming back?"

"If I'm not welcome..." She stood up and went after him.

"Loki, please...I didn't mean..." she stammered. Loki pulled her into his arms.

"I know you didn't."

"You'll come visit again, right?"

"Of course. You are to be crowned in a couple of years, are you not?" Elsa nodded.

"You'll come to the coronation?"

"I wouldn't miss it for all the realms, Elsa." He kissed her forehead before vanishing.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Loki made his way into Arendelle, disguising himself as one of the household servants. It was the only way he wouldn't draw attention to himself. He knocked on Elsa's door, waiting patiently. She cracked it open, peering out. Her face lit up when she saw him, and she allowed him in.

"Elsa, how have you been darling?" He asked, bowing slightly before pulling her into his arms. Elsa grinned, glad for the contact with someone she couldn't hurt.

"Well enough...Thank you."

"And how is Anna?"

"I...don't really know. She still comes and asks if we can talk."

"And I'm supposing you don't..."

"...True."

"Elsa..." he chided gently. "You are letting your fears rule you."

"It's not like that..." Elsa defended. Loki raised an eyebrow.

"Isn't it? Why don't you give it a try? Perhaps the contact with your sister is what has been missing in your life. Perhaps it's the cause of your lack of control. The two of you were so very close..."

"Maybe..." Elsa's eyes brightened at the thought. "I'll talk to her tonight at the ball..."

"Good. You need this Elsa. Relationships with siblings are not to be thrown aside lightly. I would know." He smiled a bit. "I should let you get ready then...The servants will be here any second, and I don't think they'll take kindly to a strange man in their queen's chambers..."

"Good idea." Elsa hugged him once more, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you at the ball."

"I'll be there." Loki smiled before vanishing in a green flash.


End file.
